Contemplating Going Veggie (but not PeTA crazy veggie)

I watched Fast Food Nation last night, and if you've seen it, I'm sure you were much like me and couldn't stomach the idea of eating cow for several days afterwards.

The thing is that lately I've been supplementing my diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables and I just feel -- better. All around. I bought some ground beef and frozen chicken breasts at the beginning of the month, but the chicken seems to be impossible to cook without getting rubbery and it's been frustrating, so I've pretty well passed on most meat based dishes in the past few weeks.

And yes, I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I heart McDonalds, and even partake in late night binges when I can be sure that no one I know is around to see me (except my Mickey D's cohort, who shall remain anonymous). Things like that, pepperoni and beef jerky (my meat avoidance kryptonite) are going to be tough for me to give up.

The biggest drawback -- besides my guilty pleasures, of course -- is that I hate being a burden on people when I'm a dinner guest, since I was always just taught to eat what was in front of you (except seafood, fish and organ meats -- serve me those if you want to be guaranteed that I'll always hesitate at your dinner invite). Having to make unnecessary restrictions on what your host is serving seems like kind of a pain in the ass move to me. I don't want to be the lone guest at a wedding who can't have the Chicken Kiev.

So I guess for the moment, I'm not going to be all gung ho and convert to a completely vegetarian diet, but it has been something I've contemplated a lot lately. Do they have a term for someone who eats primarily vegetarian options, but has been known to eat, and enjoy, chicken fingers? If there is, I'm dying to know.

More Wanderlust

Kristy and I caught the much hyped "Slumdog Millionaire" at the theatre tonight. After coming away from it, I wonder if as many people are suddenly as enthusiastic about visiting India as I am. Granted, the concept of Indian slums would be a turn off to many people, but I have to think that for many more, the idea that there is a world just a scant 20 hour flight away so vastly different from our own probably excites more than just me.

Ever since getting back from Europe and meeting several people who had already visited India on their round-the-world tours, I was inspired to do the trip myself.

Now that I've tied myself down to staying in Canada for the next few years, and becoming the cliche 'starving student', I can't see the trip forthcoming for years, but even then, a girl can dream.

Especially about her very own jet-setting sugar daddy. I know for certain I am not the only one with THAT dream.

Feeling Blah

I've been feeling very blah and lethargic the past few days. I'm having trouble going to sleep at a regular time, or waking up at one for that matter. The past few days I've been waking up at close to noon and then laying in bed and reading until I'm ready to go back to sleep. I'm currently indulging in Freakonomics, which although enlightening and some terrific food for thought (I'm about a third of the way through after starting it 2 days ago), is obviously not the best material for keeping oneself awake.

I'm puzzled, too, because although I had the brief KD lapse on Saturday after going out, I've been eating loads better: having fruit as a snack and vegetables with all my meals, going completely soy if I must have dairy and almost eliminating all red meat, but still I feel like junk. I guess the next step is to get back on my vitamin regime that I was so gungho about after moving in with Mr. V (and which I let lapse in light of all the arguing).

I also made a commitment with myself to get more exercise. The weather has been crap the past week and a bit, but prior to that I went out for a walk to run errands every morning. Lately though, the only time I leave the house is for my nightly coffee 'date' with K.

So I woke up this morning (to the sound of the S.T.A.R.S. chopper delivering some poor soul to the hospital across the street), pushed myself into the shower (and away from this fascinating book) and decided to walk down to the mall to get some cotton balls and some Naan bread for dinner (Mmm, butter chicken!). It's just nice enough that the walk was comfortable and I wasn't frozen, but still cold enough to put some speed in my step. I feel a little better in light of the exercise, and the Green Tea Latte from Starbucks helped a bit, too. Leave it to me to feel blah when the weather finally starts picking up.

I hate to admit that I feel a little lonesome, and maybe that plays a role. One huge part of me wants to call it all off, back down and just apologize for everything I did wrong, and for everything I didn't (but am accused of), so that I have someone to spend every night with, but I know that's not being true to myself. Nor is it going to make me feel better in the long run.

Our laundry room has been out of commission for 6 days now, so the pile of laundry is adding up in my room, which also gets to me since I hate my room being cluttered and dirty. I keep crossing my fingers and checking the door 2-3 times a day hoping it'll be open so I can busy myself folding laundry.

30 Random Songs

It's been a heckuva (almost) week since my last post, but see? I am getting better about updating, and I promise to as long as I can think of words to put down here.

Things are still remaining complicated on the romantic front -- even more so now that they're supposed to be simplified. This is apparently my fault, but I fail to see how, and am really starting to realize that when it comes to this one, everything will just become my fault, as I play the role of scapegoat far too well.

In any case, I was all revved up for a night out to play a little bit of poker and to watch two testosterone (and likely steroid) fueled men kick the crap out of each other on Saturday night, but seeing as I agreed to allow him to pick me up and give me a lift home afterwards so we could talk, only one of those happened. No worries, though -- if I can convince just one more person to partake, I plan to host a semi regular poker night here at Casa de Penelope the Pink Palatial Palace, or whatever we're calling the apartment today.

Other than that, I guess the reason I wait far too long to post anything is because not much is happening in my life, however I got tagged to do a 30 Random songs on my iPod meme, and because I don't really have a life, can do this from the comfort of the 'bed that hugs back', I adore memes and I don't actually have an iPod but what I affectionately refer to as my iPod Killer, I'll leave you with 30 random songs (I even tried to include the official music video if it was available):


Blue Monday - Orgy
If one song reminds me more of driving around Dawson Creek (without our driver's licenses) in a Volvo, I can't think of it. Granted, it's a niche thing to be reminded of, but I recall Ola and I listening to it -- excessively.

Good Times - Finger Eleven
Sadly this song only reminds me of He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless, since this song was receiving a decent amount of modrock radio airplay around the time I discovered him cheating. Definitely not because we really had many 'Good Times'.

If I Could Be Like That - 3 Doors Down
I just remember Des Oulette listening to this quietly in South Peace's library computer lab, and whenever the chorus played I sat there quizically wondering why such a sweet sounding song had such an abrupt chorus. This was of course because I was mishearing the lyrics and believing it to be "Fuck me like that" instead of the vastly more appropriate song title. Ask me what I thought CCR was singing instead of "Bad Moon Rising" or Golden Earring instead of "Radar Love". I need to get my hearing checked.

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
Rossy was pretty into Imogen shortly before he moved out, and he downloaded several of her songs for my listening pleasure. This is one of my favorites thus far.

World on Fire - Sarah McLachlan
I think this song is beautiful. I literally get goosebumps every time I hear it. The first time I heard it on the radio, I ran home, downloaded it and listening to it 5 times in a row just to keep the goosebumps.

All I Want is You - U2
I actually played this song very recently for someone to set a mood. It didn't work. He doesn't pay attention. Hey guy, all I wanted was you.

Clumsy - Our Lady Peace
I had to listen to this one twice to write my thoughts on it. The first time I was too busy turning up the volume and belting it out, reliving teenage angst in my bedroom like the rocker chick I knew I was really meant to be. Then I checked to make sure Shaun hadn't come home and was listening to me embarrass myself. I heart OLP. They are the last of my 'favorites' that I need to see in concert, and I am psyched to see that they have another release pending, which generally means a tour.

Brick - Ben Folds Five
I was floored to hear that Mr. V had never heard of these guys. I played this song, sure he would recognize it, but to no avail. Seriously, I never thought I would love a song about abortion as much as I love this song. What happened to Ben Folds Five? They inspired me to learn to play the piano. Not that I did or anything...

They also made me want to name my first daughter Kate. And well, obviously that also hasn't happened since I no longer want kids, but for a brief moment, I contemplated calling the cat, Kate before she became Xenia Onatopp (ex boyfriend's influence), so hey, the thought really was there.

Gel - Collective Soul
Are we starting to see a trend with all the 90s Alt-rock on here? You have to love any song that has a chorus that goes:

Let's mingle
And make it well.
Come together now.
Yeah, let's gel.

It kind of makes it like the ultimate party song, dontchathink?

The Perfect Drug - Nine Inch Nails
Back when I was an aspiring music video director, this was the first song that I visualized recreating a video for. I remember buying the "Lost Highway" soundtrack just because this song was on it. Back in late December when Mr. V's sister was hosting a Rock Band night, this song was featured and I surprised myself by knowing every last word to the song -- still.

Ready to Go - Republica
When I quit smoking and was out jogging every morning, this was BAR NONE the best song to motivate me to move my ass. Others might remember it better as the song from a late 90s Mitsubishi ad campaign.

I'm Still Here - John Rzeznik
Although I never saw the Disney movie this was written for ("Treasure Planet"), this song written by the Goo Goo Dolls frontman was played frequently enough on the radio to catch my ear.

Weapon of Choice - Fatboy Slim
Christopher Walken scares the crap out of me. That being said, it's pretty difficult to take him seriously in the music video for this catchy piece of tunage. I also want to tap dance on tables and dance on escalators after watching it.

Summer Romance - Incubus
Makes me want to make love in the grass. Nuff said.

Rock the Casbah - The Clash
Speaking of mishearing lyrics (see If I Could be Like That), my ex coworker at my first job in Edmonton wanted to name her first son 'Sharif' because she assumed that's what they were saying. I still snicker when I hear the song because she would be inadvertently naming her son 'Sheriff', although in this age of 'Apples', 'Cocos' and 'Deacons', 'Sheriff' would probably be very cutting edge. It also brings to mind a very funny Cingular commercial regarding this song. The sheep don't like it. Stop the Catbox!

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - The Police
This was one of the best concerts I've ever been to, and this is one of my favorite Police songs. I'll always remember hearing this at Commonwealth in the warm summer air. One of the best days of my life.

Banditos - The Refreshments
Several years ago Mr. Roberts turned me onto this radio website where you could look up lesser known artists that sounded like or resembled some of your favorites. The results for 'Green Day' turned these guys up.

Be Yourself - Audioslave
Way back in 2004, Edmonton introduced a Modern Rock radio station called SonicFM. One of my clients excitedly told me about it one morning, and when I tuned into the frequency, this was the very first song I heard. It still reminds me of good ol' Sonic back in their first days. If you're ever in E-town, tune into 102.9 fm and prepare for some cool music.

Walk of Life - Dire Straits
Who doesn't recognize that organ line as soon as this song starts and immediately want to get up and dance? Or do the Walk of Life?

The Kid is Hot Tonight - Loverboy
Right before I left Edmonton I was cleaning a coworker's house for extra cash to pay off my bills after the holidays. One day they were out furniture shopping, and I was cleaning and listening to one of his 80's CDs and this little gem came on. So there I am rocking out with a Swiffer in my best impression of an eighties hair band frontman when I hear giggling from behind me and his wife standing there with their incredibly hot son. They saw everything. This is why I check to make sure my roommate isn't home before I get really involved in my music. My cat is used to the insanity.

Mr. Tambourine Man - The Byrds
I've never really liked the Dylan version of this song, preferring the Brit-folk version instead. It reminds me of when CJDC used to play Oldies late at night. I fell asleep to the classics every night.

A Whiter Shade of Pale - Procol Harum
This song is hauntingly beautiful. And iconic. And I can't say that it really reminds me of anything except maybe the same thing as the song above.

SHE - Green Day
It goes without saying that if I found The Refreshments while searching for Green Day, I should have at least one of their songs on my thirty randoms list. This song reminds me of, well, me. Listen to the lyrics and see if you can figure out why.

Marsh Lagoon - Twiztid
My broski turned me onto this song at a point in my life where I darkly dreamed of dumping my ex's body into a Marsh Lagoon myself. Bastard. It was a good release.

Crazy - Seal
We're never gonna survive, unless we get a little -- crazy. Right? Still one of my favorite songs after all these years.

Follow you Down - Gin Blossoms
Again with the 90s rock, right? I think anyone who liked Alternative Rock in the 90s had a soft spot for these guys. Following "Hey Jealousy", this is my second favorite song by the Gin Blossoms.

Take My Breathe Away - Berlin
I hated Tom Cruise before it was cool to do so, but yet I have a soft spot for the Top Gun soundtrack. While I was unemployed in 2003 you would have discovered me in my boyfriend's room singing this plus both Kenny Loggins tracks at the top of my lungs while working on padding my resume.

Don't Wanna Go - Crowned King
I made out with their bassist when I lived in Jasper and they were just a cover band. Yep, I guess that was my big brush with fame. I knew someone 'before they were famous'.

Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
I think this was probably the first modern rock song I knew every single word to. I studied the lyrics and listened to it at least once a day, since it appeared on my favorite MuchMusic Big Shiny Tunes compilation (that'd be #2) that I owned on both tape and CD (for easy listening at home or in the truck). I wore both out.

Thrift Store Chair - Everclear
I've been listening to this song a lot lately. It's kind of the epitome of a break-up song for me. And you knew there had to be an Everclear song on here. :)

Catsup/Ketchup/Catch Up

I know I have the worst habit of forgetting to update my blog for months and months at a time, but honestly most of the time it stems down to two really simple reasons:

a) Nothing of consequence or note is happening in my life

OR

b) It's drama central and I just can't really talk about it for fear of creating even MORE drama

In this case, it's falling squarely under the umbrella of the "B" definition, but honestly.. I just don't give a shit anymore.

I'm really tired of having to pretend like everything is A-Ok or that none of this complete and utter KaKa is getting to me, but it is. It really is.

I'm not going to go into the mundane, boring details, but suffice it to say that I've done absolutely nothing wrong or out of the ordinary, but the small minded people who are viewing me through this small town fishbowl seem bent on demonizing me or roasting me at the proverbial stake.

I don't know that I've ever been the target of a witch-hunt -- I suppose not if a memory doesn't immediately spring to mind -- but evidently I am right now. And it sucks.

So I did what I had to do. I dumped him, kids. He's all yours now.

Have a shiny happy life together. Leave me the hell alone. Me and my life are of no concern to you any longer.

And just to clarify -- it wasn't me that dragged it on for the past several weeks. You talk to him about that. Perhaps he'll even tell you the truth. Probably not, though.

As for me, I snagged a great apartment with a cool roommate, and the cat and spend each and every glorious night smiling at each other before drifting off to sleep in 'the bed that hugs back'.

I'm stumbling through the admissions process through Thompson Rivers, so that I can get my degree on the go now that I have a stable place to live.

Life is going pretty well.

Granted, Kristy and I have made 'going for coffee' our single biggest hobby and all that caffeine consumption probably isn't the BEST way to be treating 'the temple', but I am enjoying my life right now aside from the pettiness which will hopefully just disappear.

I'm almost completely caught up on Lost, and must make that completely caught up by tonight when it plays at it's usual time.

Things between mom and I are less strained now. She just found out she lost her contract and it's been tough on her, so I think with both of us having a lot on our plates right now, we don't even have a chance to snipe at each other which makes for semi peaceful coexistence.

Aside from all that, it's really the same old. Somedays I kick myself for staying here, and wonder how many pizza places one town needs, but for the most part, I think staying here is going to mean I'm more focused and have less chances of distraction.