More Firsts





The INEVITABLE

Whoops..

Sometimes you get so deeply involved in living that you forget to necessities like writing in your blog.

I deeply apologize to those 'many' that have missed my meanderings. I love you two! ;)

So life..

da dum..

I suppose I could have done without my Valentines being marred by his admission, 3 days earlier, of sleeping with the very person causing the vast majority of my so called 'mental midget' moments. It's not that I 'knew it all along', it tends to be a bit more complicated than that. Most women will agree that although you get your fair share of gut feelings about things, we often ignore them, or attempt to beat them into submission purely to make them go away.

Alas, as always, it didn't work, and 3 days before the most commercially charged, albeit, highly romantic day of the year he rips my heart out, punts it down a field and scores a home run. Or whatever, I'm not up on sports analogies.

Thankfully I have a small handful of admirers/male friend-types that kept me afloat. It helps to have 2 male coworkers escort you out on a drunken night on the town and refer to you as their 'coworker who used to star in porn'. I didn't. It just felt nice. It also helps to have one of the above bring you a giant bouquet of pink flowers on Valentines so you can happily have something to arrange and snub your nose at the guy who can't keep his little man on a leash.

But I digress.

Anyway, the day after the hallowed day of breaking your man's pocketbook, he suggests going for a movie and dinner.

I should have known what might be on his mind when he suggests 'Hitch', the new movie starring Will Smith as a consultant for all those hapless men seeking to score big with the hottie they admire from afar.

A particularly potent line from the movie, "All women like to be swept off their feet."

"So, how do I sweep you off your feet?", he asks coyly, brushing my arm.

"Flowers, jewelry, wining and dining. Oh, scrap that, not cheating on me helps", I think to myself.

Instead I utter something unintelligible and cross my arms.

"What?", he smiles, obviously taking this as a good sign.

I clear my throat and roll my eyes, absorbing myself in the movie, the crack in the ceiling, the smell of popcorn from three aisles down, basically anything but him.

He sits back in his chair and gives me an odd sideways glance.

Yeah, charm only gets you so far. Apparently in his case, dumped, with a resentful ex and none of her wine gums. Ah ha.

So what else.. hmm..

I started seeing my ex, funnily enough, another Wayne again.

I'm really having a blast rediscovering him, as he's changed a lot from when we were a couple over 4 years ago.

I think now in retrospect we were both 2 vastly different people on different paths in life, so I suppose time will tell whether or not we have the go power to make something of it the second time.

I'm tired now, and we ordered chinese tonight, so away I go.

Peaks, Plateaus and so many Valleys

Wow...

My last entry was only a few days ago, but so much has happened, that I'd find myself writing a short novel in order to catch you all up if I wait much longer.

Ok.. good news. I got my campaign dog. Mom is shipping me Summer's dad Nik to show at Edmonton & area shows all spring and summer and I'm very excited about that. In fact, I may go so far as to say it's sort of a high point in my life right now. I know we'll do well and I really hope I get to bring home my great big blue, white and red rosette soon.

Bad news.. Wayne and I are over. Done. Kaput. Finito.

I dumped him Friday night when I *ashamed to say* was still at work. I'm sure the girls at the travel agency next door spent a vast majority of their time with their ears to the wall, wondering if they ought to call the police now or later. *sigh*

Somehow, my breaking up with him because of my suspicions that he was keeping his eye open for something new due to past incidences turned into me not trusting him.

Uncannily enough, I really don't. I haven't trusted Wayne since I found his profile complete with updated picture (that he actually cropped me out of) on the matchmaking side of the social networking site I found him on. I should have saved myself the future grief and ended it then. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, I am simply not just a cold hearted bitch, and I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. How silly.

He conceded to this silly slip of the mind, and took down his profile. Sadly, this was not for long, since not 2 weeks later it was back up. Coincidence that he's still updating his pictures in his profile, but no information about the fact that he does indeed have a girlfriend? Or where did I read that there are no coincidences? Likely some conspiracy theory website, but I don't care.. the crackpots are right, there are no coincidences.

Then in the early fall he mentions a new person is working at the shop where he works. A girl.

I'll admit to being insane. And jealous. And on occassion even a tad paranoid. But isn't there some kind of primal appeal in doing it with the girl who isn't afraid to get her hands a little dirty. Stretch of the imagination, but wouldn't it be fun to do it along side her and then have a good romp on the pad just avoiding the smooth edge while they're in the middle of an installation?

So I have an overactive imagination. Sue me, 'k?

Anyway.. conversations regarding this girl, this Lesli picked up, until she was no longer Lesli, and just became Les.

Again, imagination kicks in, but I like to think that our relationship is solid enough for him to resist the temptation.

About a month after we moved into this house, Wayne and I got into an argument. We were due to go to a friend's birthday, but after the argument subsided, he gave me a kiss and said he'd be back soon, but had to make an appearance.

Herein follows one of the most horrible evenings of my entire life. He left at 9, and until almost midnight I enjoyed the solitude. I had a bath, read a book, ordered chinese and lounged on the couch.

One pm rolls around and panic sets in. Since when does, I won't be long, I'll be back soon, mean 4 hours? Since when is 4 hours not long?

My friend Tracy acts as a therapist until 3 am or so, as I'm having such a horrible night with just me, congealing sweet and sour sauce, a bottle of rye and that bloody imagination of mine that I'm tempted to just leave it all behind. Except the rye, at that point, you'd have to drag it from my cold dead hands. I passed out for 20 minutes or so at around 6, when I woke up and he still wasn't home, I proceeded to start calling hospitals, the local PD and yes, his mom. She panics, too, convinces his dad to drive to the bar they said they'd be at and make sure he wasn't crammed in a dumpster. Or at the very least, that his car was still there and not in a ditch someplace.

At 1 pm, Wayne walks in the door and I want to kiss him, kick him in the nuts and kill him all in one.

We argue, think it's over and go get our hair cut.

Now the ugly, I find out later, that Lesli was at this party. I now know within an inch of doubt that they slept together that night and that's why he's so close lipped about it.

Months later, he still maintains (and actually, swears on his children's lives) that he did NOT sleep with her that night or any other.

Well now that I'm done with him forever, we go out for lunch yesterday (severely hung over I might add... I can't even name half the shots I did on Friday night, nor do I remember getting the 10 phone numbers that I did), and he FINALLY admits to me that he did sleep with her the night in question.

I hate him. He's scum.

He couldn't have let me go 4 months ago when this happened? I could have been going on happily with my life, but he's an asshole.

I still love him, but right now, I just wish he'd fall into a hole and die.

The pain he's caused me in the past 4 months with the constant lying and getting defensive because I won't just drop it, and the finally telling me 4 months after the fact is enough.

I'm going to go about my life, and live it like I used to. Why I was so disillusioned to believe that I wanted a relationship when I was having so much fun being me when I met him is beyond me, but the prospect of love with someone who tries their hardest to worship you is a hard temptation to resist.

In Transit and she's SO GONE!

I love the fact that my branch is now so close to home that my entire bus ride to get to work totals about 15 minutes! It's a thing of beauty after working at a branch that was 2 hours by transit, and forced me to switch bus connections 3 times and take the LRT (ETS trolley train) to get to where I needed to go. Such a pain in the ass, was that.

But actually, I'm a people watcher so it never seemed like it took much time out of my day until I saw how lonely my dog was getting sitting at home all day by herself. I used to love wondering what people were doing, where they were going, what they did all morning, if they were meeting someone, just EVERYTHING.

I'd wonder about the 40 year old native woman who looked like she'd been crying all morning, petulant child in tow and wonder if she'd just had a fight with someone. The older looking lady with the leather gloves who seemed quite out of sorts, and wondered why she wasn't driving to her choice destination. Little girls who got on, giggled about boys, acted like they actually had life experience and complain about teachers, and I'd wonder.. wait.. don't you go to school??

I'm just like that.. I want to know the story behind the person, but some people, unfortunately, aren't as willing to tell their life stories to total strangers than others are, so I rarely get the story, unless it's an old man and he wants in my pants. :S

Then I usually get more than I wanted to know.

In any case, I found out the other day that my old manager is gone, kaput, nada, no more. I can't express how happy that makes me feel in light of the fact that she was so paranoid, thinking I was trying to get her canned that she tried everything in her power to get ME canned.

And hey.. just to set the record straight, I didn't do a damn thing to get her canned that someone else wouldn't have noticed. I gave her a length of rope and wonder of wonders, she DID hang herself.

Call me vindictive, a bitch, WHATEVER. I'm happy she's gone, because she was too much dead weight on me as a friend, and entirely too much for the company. I just can't believe it took as long as it did.

*WARNING - Catty comment forthcoming*

Some people are just meant to collect Welfare or live off others for life. I suppose I just had the misfortune to believe she had potential.

Things I've Learned

I didn't do much at work today.. Mundane Monday's have that effect on me, but I spent a fair amount of time drinking coffee... and smoking.. an opportune time to think a lot.

This usually gets me into trouble, but today it gave me a great idea for a blog entry --

Looking back over the past few years of my life, I think I'd be a vastly different person than I am now had I not lived where I have, or seen what I have, so without further ado -- Things I've Learned:

Dawson Creek, BC:
-Don't limit yourself to one 'type' of friend. You learn a lot about yourself by how you interact with different types of people.
-Crying over a failed book report in fifth grade will haunt you in high school.
-Riding a 'white horse' 10 km to meet a boy is not romantic.
-Horseback Riding on a public road should always be done fully clothed.
-Drinking beer and throwing sticks for a dog can be considered a date.
-Some women enjoy your 'leftovers'.. in fact, they make a point out of scarfing them up the moment they're dumped.
-It is possible for men and women to have completely platonic friendships and never mar them by 'doing it'.
-The term 'doing it' loses it's hilarity in junior high


Jasper, AB:
-The guys that approach you at last call are good for one thing -- a free drink. Dirty Mind! Yeah, in theory, they're good for THAT, too, but another thing I learned is that if they're still in the bar at last call, it's theoretical ONLY!
-Spaghetti in the cheapest meal in the world when you're a single girl.
-Kraft Dinner made at 3 am when walking in the door from a night of drinking never works out the way you planned it.
-Bouncers promising to make you 3 am pasta in return for some late night company don't really want pasta.
-It is possible to drink every night for a week and still hold a job.
-Americans are really gullible.
-Some women need lives to begin with, not to follow their old sweetheart across the country to start one at 28 years old.
-Ryan's Cream is almost as good as Bailey's, but not quite.
-Ski Patrol guys are GODS.
-Making friends with every police officer in town will never work against you. Dating the police corporal's son might!

Rafter Six Ranch, Seebe, AB:
-Cats are hardy. Mine escaped coyotes, the Ranch's resident German Shepherd and a horseback ride home with a cat hating wrangler.
-Cowboys suck in bed. Their goal is to stay on for 8 seconds, nothing more, nothing less.
-Alcoholics are not fun to drink with, especially when conversations are attempted. Expect to be kicked out, tears or something to get thrown at your heads. All 3 in rapid succession are also to be expected.
-Random acts of kindness in the form of tracking down rose petals for the guest who's proposing will be amply rewarded. Also, premium rum is quite good.
-Drinking copious amounts of white wine followed by sex is not a good idea. Especially if you're quite vocal.
-Whole pigs are not meant to be roasted on an open fire by drunk guys and should always be deemed inedible.
-Moving a couch in an elevator is always possible.
-Blowup dolls are simple not lifelike. Neither are blowup sheep.
-The richer you are, the less you're willing to give.
-Margarita glasses were shaped to represent a woman's breast, more specifically, Queen Margeurite's.
-Australian bartenders are full of useless information.

Edmonton, AB:
-Never wear a short skirt at night on Stony Plain Road. Drunk Indians may proposition you for 3 lbs. of bacon.
-Edmonton's version of Cowboys is disappointing in comparison to Calgary's.
-Never quit a job unless you have another lined up. There are tons of jobs in Edmonton but 3/4 of employers are either telephone challenged or afraid phones bite.
-As long as I can find Route 1 or 8 ETS stops, I can always find a way home.
-Never light a smoke at ETS depots unless you don't mind turning down 5 people in 2 minutes who want to 'borrow' a smoke. That slays me.. are they going to take down my address and reimburse me?
-Signalling when switching lanes in 'optional' in Edmonton, as is signalling when turning. I, however, am from BC.. we signal 20 km in advance.
-Edmonton pot is not good. Never listen to anyone who tries to convince you otherwise.
-Prospective landlords who are quite candid about all things sexual will always be interested in all things sexual in your life -- no matter how weird or awkward.