Peaks, Plateaus and so many Valleys

Wow...

My last entry was only a few days ago, but so much has happened, that I'd find myself writing a short novel in order to catch you all up if I wait much longer.

Ok.. good news. I got my campaign dog. Mom is shipping me Summer's dad Nik to show at Edmonton & area shows all spring and summer and I'm very excited about that. In fact, I may go so far as to say it's sort of a high point in my life right now. I know we'll do well and I really hope I get to bring home my great big blue, white and red rosette soon.

Bad news.. Wayne and I are over. Done. Kaput. Finito.

I dumped him Friday night when I *ashamed to say* was still at work. I'm sure the girls at the travel agency next door spent a vast majority of their time with their ears to the wall, wondering if they ought to call the police now or later. *sigh*

Somehow, my breaking up with him because of my suspicions that he was keeping his eye open for something new due to past incidences turned into me not trusting him.

Uncannily enough, I really don't. I haven't trusted Wayne since I found his profile complete with updated picture (that he actually cropped me out of) on the matchmaking side of the social networking site I found him on. I should have saved myself the future grief and ended it then. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, I am simply not just a cold hearted bitch, and I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. How silly.

He conceded to this silly slip of the mind, and took down his profile. Sadly, this was not for long, since not 2 weeks later it was back up. Coincidence that he's still updating his pictures in his profile, but no information about the fact that he does indeed have a girlfriend? Or where did I read that there are no coincidences? Likely some conspiracy theory website, but I don't care.. the crackpots are right, there are no coincidences.

Then in the early fall he mentions a new person is working at the shop where he works. A girl.

I'll admit to being insane. And jealous. And on occassion even a tad paranoid. But isn't there some kind of primal appeal in doing it with the girl who isn't afraid to get her hands a little dirty. Stretch of the imagination, but wouldn't it be fun to do it along side her and then have a good romp on the pad just avoiding the smooth edge while they're in the middle of an installation?

So I have an overactive imagination. Sue me, 'k?

Anyway.. conversations regarding this girl, this Lesli picked up, until she was no longer Lesli, and just became Les.

Again, imagination kicks in, but I like to think that our relationship is solid enough for him to resist the temptation.

About a month after we moved into this house, Wayne and I got into an argument. We were due to go to a friend's birthday, but after the argument subsided, he gave me a kiss and said he'd be back soon, but had to make an appearance.

Herein follows one of the most horrible evenings of my entire life. He left at 9, and until almost midnight I enjoyed the solitude. I had a bath, read a book, ordered chinese and lounged on the couch.

One pm rolls around and panic sets in. Since when does, I won't be long, I'll be back soon, mean 4 hours? Since when is 4 hours not long?

My friend Tracy acts as a therapist until 3 am or so, as I'm having such a horrible night with just me, congealing sweet and sour sauce, a bottle of rye and that bloody imagination of mine that I'm tempted to just leave it all behind. Except the rye, at that point, you'd have to drag it from my cold dead hands. I passed out for 20 minutes or so at around 6, when I woke up and he still wasn't home, I proceeded to start calling hospitals, the local PD and yes, his mom. She panics, too, convinces his dad to drive to the bar they said they'd be at and make sure he wasn't crammed in a dumpster. Or at the very least, that his car was still there and not in a ditch someplace.

At 1 pm, Wayne walks in the door and I want to kiss him, kick him in the nuts and kill him all in one.

We argue, think it's over and go get our hair cut.

Now the ugly, I find out later, that Lesli was at this party. I now know within an inch of doubt that they slept together that night and that's why he's so close lipped about it.

Months later, he still maintains (and actually, swears on his children's lives) that he did NOT sleep with her that night or any other.

Well now that I'm done with him forever, we go out for lunch yesterday (severely hung over I might add... I can't even name half the shots I did on Friday night, nor do I remember getting the 10 phone numbers that I did), and he FINALLY admits to me that he did sleep with her the night in question.

I hate him. He's scum.

He couldn't have let me go 4 months ago when this happened? I could have been going on happily with my life, but he's an asshole.

I still love him, but right now, I just wish he'd fall into a hole and die.

The pain he's caused me in the past 4 months with the constant lying and getting defensive because I won't just drop it, and the finally telling me 4 months after the fact is enough.

I'm going to go about my life, and live it like I used to. Why I was so disillusioned to believe that I wanted a relationship when I was having so much fun being me when I met him is beyond me, but the prospect of love with someone who tries their hardest to worship you is a hard temptation to resist.