Things I've Learned

I didn't do much at work today.. Mundane Monday's have that effect on me, but I spent a fair amount of time drinking coffee... and smoking.. an opportune time to think a lot.

This usually gets me into trouble, but today it gave me a great idea for a blog entry --

Looking back over the past few years of my life, I think I'd be a vastly different person than I am now had I not lived where I have, or seen what I have, so without further ado -- Things I've Learned:

Dawson Creek, BC:
-Don't limit yourself to one 'type' of friend. You learn a lot about yourself by how you interact with different types of people.
-Crying over a failed book report in fifth grade will haunt you in high school.
-Riding a 'white horse' 10 km to meet a boy is not romantic.
-Horseback Riding on a public road should always be done fully clothed.
-Drinking beer and throwing sticks for a dog can be considered a date.
-Some women enjoy your 'leftovers'.. in fact, they make a point out of scarfing them up the moment they're dumped.
-It is possible for men and women to have completely platonic friendships and never mar them by 'doing it'.
-The term 'doing it' loses it's hilarity in junior high


Jasper, AB:
-The guys that approach you at last call are good for one thing -- a free drink. Dirty Mind! Yeah, in theory, they're good for THAT, too, but another thing I learned is that if they're still in the bar at last call, it's theoretical ONLY!
-Spaghetti in the cheapest meal in the world when you're a single girl.
-Kraft Dinner made at 3 am when walking in the door from a night of drinking never works out the way you planned it.
-Bouncers promising to make you 3 am pasta in return for some late night company don't really want pasta.
-It is possible to drink every night for a week and still hold a job.
-Americans are really gullible.
-Some women need lives to begin with, not to follow their old sweetheart across the country to start one at 28 years old.
-Ryan's Cream is almost as good as Bailey's, but not quite.
-Ski Patrol guys are GODS.
-Making friends with every police officer in town will never work against you. Dating the police corporal's son might!

Rafter Six Ranch, Seebe, AB:
-Cats are hardy. Mine escaped coyotes, the Ranch's resident German Shepherd and a horseback ride home with a cat hating wrangler.
-Cowboys suck in bed. Their goal is to stay on for 8 seconds, nothing more, nothing less.
-Alcoholics are not fun to drink with, especially when conversations are attempted. Expect to be kicked out, tears or something to get thrown at your heads. All 3 in rapid succession are also to be expected.
-Random acts of kindness in the form of tracking down rose petals for the guest who's proposing will be amply rewarded. Also, premium rum is quite good.
-Drinking copious amounts of white wine followed by sex is not a good idea. Especially if you're quite vocal.
-Whole pigs are not meant to be roasted on an open fire by drunk guys and should always be deemed inedible.
-Moving a couch in an elevator is always possible.
-Blowup dolls are simple not lifelike. Neither are blowup sheep.
-The richer you are, the less you're willing to give.
-Margarita glasses were shaped to represent a woman's breast, more specifically, Queen Margeurite's.
-Australian bartenders are full of useless information.

Edmonton, AB:
-Never wear a short skirt at night on Stony Plain Road. Drunk Indians may proposition you for 3 lbs. of bacon.
-Edmonton's version of Cowboys is disappointing in comparison to Calgary's.
-Never quit a job unless you have another lined up. There are tons of jobs in Edmonton but 3/4 of employers are either telephone challenged or afraid phones bite.
-As long as I can find Route 1 or 8 ETS stops, I can always find a way home.
-Never light a smoke at ETS depots unless you don't mind turning down 5 people in 2 minutes who want to 'borrow' a smoke. That slays me.. are they going to take down my address and reimburse me?
-Signalling when switching lanes in 'optional' in Edmonton, as is signalling when turning. I, however, am from BC.. we signal 20 km in advance.
-Edmonton pot is not good. Never listen to anyone who tries to convince you otherwise.
-Prospective landlords who are quite candid about all things sexual will always be interested in all things sexual in your life -- no matter how weird or awkward.