I've Been Crying

I'm not sure I've ever cried as much as I did this past weekend.

To watch the dog I grew up with, my vibrant, beautiful little girl reduced to what she is pained me more than I can express in words. We went for a walk in the pasture on Saturday. I cried almost the entire time. That was the last time I'll ever get to take a walk with my girl.

I visited Tiara's grave and thanked her for everything she'd done for me: The beautiful puppies she mothered, the wonderful companionship she'd provided, being the best damn lead dog on the dogsled team, her sweet nature. I told her how much she was missed and always would be. The yard feels hollow without the old Gramma walking around keeping everyone on their best manners.

My mom showed me the card from Jayde's funeral service, and we talked about our memories about her. She was intoxicated when it happened, and had a fight with her boyfriend just prior. It might be just another indication that love is hazardous.

We cried about our fight. We cried for a month worth of lost time. We cried because it was therapeutic and the tears came easily.

I'm still crying. And something happened last night that made me cry a whole lot more.

Right now. I'm sick of crying.