If it makes you Happy

Everyone who knows me really well is aware of the tumultuous week I had last week, so there's no point in rehashing that, and this entry has nothing to do with me being sad about what happened. I had my time to cry and now I have the tough job of picking up the pieces and improving my life.

This post is about the process of finding myself.

Somewhere along the way I feel like I got really lost. I started losing the focus to keep evolving as a person, lost in the process of attempting to help us evolve as a couple. I ended up feeling unhappy and depressed and I failed miserably at accomplishing anything besides driving him away.

He's not really to blame for that. I knew all along I was difficult to be around not knowing what direction I was going in or what I was even doing currently, and I was so grateful that he stuck by me, as frustrating as it must have been as of late. I would imagine that somewhere along the way he decided that he'd lost the me he fell in love with and it was time to make his own plans without me. I still love him -- that won't change. You don't just stop loving someone after 7 years.

In any case, I didn't lose myself -- I just lost my way, and he was a good companion to have while I was walking down the wrong path.

I knew I was losing my shot at happiness, too, because I wasn't even sure what made me happy anymore, and just in the past few days I've started to remember again.

If you really want to know what I've discovered my key to happiness is, feel free to ask me.

Relationships are tough, but they become a helluva lot tougher when one or both parties are coming to grips with who they are.