The Front Desk Mission Statement

The house is kind of a mess, but I've only got my list of things to do narrowed to 20,000 now, so I'm a little worried that this might get lost before I get back.

For My Big Sis:

I will not instigate revolution. (Granted, telling the bouncers what I did started a BIT of a ruckus, but it all got out of hand too quickly)
I will not encourage others to fly. (But he said he could! I never imagined it was the drugs talking!)
I will stop selling rooms to tree planters. (Even though they make the best hotel room campfires)
I will not conduct my own fire drills. (Even after the aforementioned)
I will not expose the ignorance of the American tourists. (But it's so EASY!)
I will return the coats I've stolen from coat check. (Hey.. when you're cold, you're cold!)
I will not run with scissors. (Even in a hurry..)
Rainbow trout don't smoke cigars. (Although they look really cute trying!)
The kitchen deep fryer is not a toy. (The prep cook is not amused)
I will not eat yellow snow. (Even to see what it tastes like)
I will stop telling guests the pool is on the roof. (and that the entrance is through their windows)
The men's room is not a waterpark. (The pipes just burst again)
I will not grease the brass railings. ("Ooooh.. so shiny!"... and another one bites the dust)
I do not have the authority to fire bartenders. (So go tell him to stop smashing bottles in the cooler)
No one is THAT interested in my underpants. (But they're YELLOW!)
I will not sell hotel property. (Not even for lift tickets)
I do not have power of attorney over the housekeeping staff. (Which means you have to replace all the paycheques you signed over to the 'Drunk Jasperite Association'.. it was too hard to get it recognized as a valid charity anyway)
I will not get raped by an elk. ('Nuff said)
The lobby chandelier is NOT a toy. (Even after 12 shots when you think you've become Tarzan)
I will stop abusing the dead animals. (Including hanging garlands from their antlers in an attempt to make the lobby look 'festive')
Bouncing is best left to the professionals. (And their yappy little girlfriends)
A belch is not an answer. (It is after 8 beers and 12 minutes before the end of your shift)
I will not fake my way through ski packages. (I NEVER did this.. EVER *rolls eyes*)
Wedgies are unhealthy for management and other living things. (He looked tired.. we woke him up)
I will not barf unless I'm sick. (Or it's the morning after your 18th)
I will stop telling tourists it is okay to feed the bears. (Too many stupid people in the world already.. we do our part)
Pyramid Mountain was not put here by the ancient Egyptians. (Oh yes it was)
I will not mock the front desk manager. (hehehehehe)
I will not eat things for money. (I was broke.. and it looked ok!)
I will not dance naked on the counter while doing the audit. (You're all alone.. what else do you do?)
As much as I want to, my vest cannot be worn without a shirt. (I still think it would be a helluva turnon for some men)
The cleansing of toilets is best left to the professionals. (And not the girl who just found a gallon of bleach)
I will never party in a guest's room (unless they are really hot or offering copious amounts of free liquor!)
I will never book a party of 12 into a room with one bed. (They seemed like a really CLOSE group)
Bomb threats are not a joke. (It wasn't funny?)
I will not eat things for tips. (Figured it was the first time a Japanese tourist would tip)
I will not hang paperclips on my person. (We were accessorizing!)
Canadian Tire money does not count as valid currency. (Not even in Canada)
I will stop telling tourists that Lac Beauvert is painted every spring. (What? You get sick of answering the same question day in and day out.. mix it up a little!)
I will stop skiing down the hotel stairs. (Even for a free bar tab)
Most importantly, I will always finish what I sta

:)

Ahhh, the memories.