Experiment du Jour

Had a bunch of library books due back today, so figured I may as well go drop them off and stop at the mall to shop for a bit. The weather outside is crappy and miserable.. retail therapy usually helps.

I had a feeling it wasn't going to go well when my bus was 25 minutes late.. and this the bus that comes every 15.

When it finally got to Jasper Place it clicked in my head why it was likely late. The bus driver accosted everyone as they were getting off the bus, desperate to make friends. One little old lady awkwardly waved him off midsentence and scuttled away as fast as her conservative pumps and support hose could take her.

My bus driver was clearly crazy.

Making whirring siren and clicking noises, talking to himself, and smiling at the bus load of people he was thinking about driving off a cliff, he was obviously not the most stable person ETS had ever hired.

When we got to West Ed, I breathed a sigh of relief and contemplated what to eat now that my death scare was past. Most people that know me well, know I crave Vietnamese 12 times a week so I went to the Pho place to have lunch.

Let me tell you, it's bad enough that I'm slumping to having to eat by myself in a restaurant with only a book and my enormous backpack to keep me company (not that I normally mind, I used to take myself on dates to dinner and a movie a lot in Jasper), but why do the Vietnamese servers in the restaurant insist on using their 'outside voices' when asking how many is in your party. It also doesn't make one secure to have to get their own menu, not get the complimentary green tea that everyone else is having and have your order dropped on the other side of the table while the server wanders aimlessly away.

One. That's right, I'm just just one, and single parties tip just fine thank you. I want to be able to enjoy my rice vermicelli without someone grinning at me from across the table because it slipped enroute to my mouth and is now dangling.

Of course, the two hottest guys in the restaurant choose to sit next to me while I eat my solitary meal. I tried my best to ignore their inquisitive glances in my direction while I re-read the same paragraph in my novel over and over.

After I had food in me and was thus less likely to push the dawdling crowds into the fountain in my hurry to NOT being standing behind them while they move at a pace approximately less than the one set by a snail, I set out to go shopping. I had $80 in my pocket and I wanted a new pair of shoes.

I went into Aldo first. No one helped me.

Transit next.. again, the same lacklustre customer service.

The other Transit.. I had a girl approach me, but then detour over to another salesgirl who was admiring her boyfriend who'd stopped by.

Payless was worse. I tried on a pair of killer kitten hills that I loved but once it became obvious the two salespeople in the aisle didn't want to really help and were actually randomly straightening already straight displays in their attempt to not make it obvious that they totally thought I was going to steal something, I gave up. I put the shoes back, messed up every set of shoes they straightened and walked out.

If this was how people in retail did customer service now, they had another thing coming.. I was going to experiment.

I went to VO's to get my nails done (note to EVERYONE, there's a particularly malicious Mandarin woman there named 'Ling' who translated my words of "Be Gentle" to mean "Please rough file my sore hangnail so I wince in pain and almost cry!").

I came out, rocking a new set of acrylic falsies on my fingertips, took off my baggy windbreaker and my long-sleeved shirt so I was just wearing my girly turtleneck shell, slipped on some dangly earrings that were in my purse, patted some powder on my makeup-less face and walked back to Transit.

Things change when you don't look like a bored college student blowing 15 minutes.

Two salesgirls came over within my first 5 minutes (one was the one who had made the false approach) and asked if they could help me with anything. Of course.. I'd just shelled out $45 for tips and $5 to the little Asian bringer-o'-pain so I wasn't in the market for shoes anymore, so I just smiled sweetly, told them I was 'just browsing' and walked out.

I felt like Julia Roberts in 'Pretty Woman'.. except I didn't have a Richard Gere to buy my stuff elsewhere.