Resolutions Updated

I Am Resolved.

I am willing to face facts. I have never been any good AT ALL at keeping New Year’s Resolutions.

So I have decided to keep the Resolutions of others. Wheeeee, this ought to be fun!

1. You Resolve to lose a few pounds? No problem, I’ll just take that last crème puff off your hands.

2. Diet Coke? What are coke fiends, I mean, friends for?

3. Trying to reduce clutter in your life? I’ll send my man over. I plan on opening a Museum of Useless Crap.

4. Going to start an Exercise Program? I have been called the Exorcist numerous times…

5. Want to quit spending money willy-nilly? Please, allow me. I’LL spend it for you, thereby assuaging you of all guilt.


Oh yes, I can see THIS New Year’s Resolution working out…