The Rules... and a Brief Rant

As we all know, recently I was dropped very un-elegantly back into the single world.

I read the most wonderful piece of 'chick literature' the other day which gave me the most brilliant idea, based on my recent DISAPPOINTING attempts at dating.

Herein follows my 'Cardinal Rules of Dating':

* Men who still cohabitate with their parents are out. This to me, translated, means Dad still pays the bills and Mom (or step-mom, in many cases, especially in one which comes to mind straightaway) still does the laundry. If I can afford to support myself, 2 pets, and well, as of late, Alex, then he should be able to support himself, as well. I can't afford another major expenditure.

* He must be employed. As another recent bout, I discovered a man who was, even BRIEFLY, between jobs is a man who is highly insecure, and conversation doesn't tend to come easily when 'shop talk', 'my day at work' and 'the price of things today' are not viable topics. The sex may be good, and God knows he has time on his hands, but even springing for dinner at a darling little Greek restaurant is a $50 expenditure I can ill afford weekly.

* He can't be more serious than I am. Granted.. I have a dog to help lighten up my life, but if I have to worry that he's going to have more mood swings than I am, our would-be relationship is in serious jeopardy.

* Must love animals. No brainer. C'mon.


* Another recent one I encountered is that I need a man with tact. If I mention my mom is @ at a dog show and he says he thinks people at dog shows are weirdos, then hey, chances are we won't be going out for drinks again. Moron.

* A man who understands mutual respect. I'm not a ball breaker, yet, I don't believe a woman's place in barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but I'm fair, and I just want to be treated like a valued human being and a valued part of his life. Nuf said?

Someone else who I recently thought I was developing feelings for is coming back to the city shortly. I've recently decided that his lifestyle and my own coincide possibly even less than they have in the past, and can't quite imagine my life in a condo, drinking Starbucks swill instead of my beloved Tim's and running of to 'do lunch' in my new SUV.

I love my new LV purse (although not the 5 months of scrimping it took to buy the damn thing), adore stilettos and would love a pair of Manolos to complete my collection, but the life of a Yuppie and Juvenile Affected Princess, I am most certainly NOT cut out for. Even if my new lawyer friend, Renn, is dying to buy me a pair of White J. Lindenburg Yoga pants and Diesel sneakers so we can match walking Whyte with our striking pair of Siberian Huskies. He's so into appearances, and well let's face it.. I like lounging around in my old sweats, watching late night cartoons and eating Froot Loops with bad hair. It's me, dammit!

I mow my own lawn, gave up on having my nails done long ago, because planting a garden was ever so much more important to me, and little puffballs of entwined dog and cat fur in my closet are a part of my day to day.