When Something Stands for Nothing

He's gone.

I can't tell you the vast amounts of relief I feel and the moments when I want to reminisce and sometimes don't know whether to smile or frown at the memories that occur.

The pain I experienced over the last few months has now become a physical kind of gnawing deep down inside, and I really didn't know how to keep it at bay. I felt like I was trapped in this situation and I really do believe that he liked to keep me that way.. sort of under his thumb per se. I didn't have the means to leave and he understood that, and he refused to leave, and I despised him for it. Peace bonds are a great thing, though.

In order to keep the peace in my life, I actually had to get a short term legal restraining action against him in order for him to leave my life for good.

I had a fantastic late Saturday evening driving to Mill Woods to face the biggest demon in my life of recent, where he had taken the kids to meet a woman he'd met online. Of course, he had told no one where he was actually going, and after 24 hours with no word from them, people are bound to worry.

Frankly, it's a shitty, cold and heartless thing to do to me and to his ex, and well, everyone that cares about him.

In any case, you know who is always #1 in his life. And with all that self absorption, he fails to see that there's no more room in his life for anyone else.

So as I sit here on this bright Monday morning, facing an enormous workload and the first of many many many long full days, I pose a particularly potent and thought provoking question derived from a (great) song title to him..

Wayne.. how do you feel knowing that the something we had always stood for nothing?