Back Off!

So Monday was one of those glorious such days where I laid claim to a day off and didn't get beaten into submission and had to let it go. I spent a large portion of the morning, sleeping, well, and a large portion of the afternoon as well, considering I woke up when the streetlights were starting to come on.

I spent a very bland few hours watching TV, chatting online and checking out the best website in the world for those completely dog obsessed and lacking real hobbies (another shameless plug www.showdog.com ). After that got mundane as hell, I noticed Wayne's cell phone sitting on the bureau by the front door (please, don't ask me why we have a bureau sitting by the front door!).

I'm absolutely obsessed with this boxing game he has on his phone, so I grabbed it, curled up under a blanket and prepared to put Lightning Lars through another round of absolute punishment resulting in yet another TKO by yours truly.

I'm flipping through the options on his phone and come across the 'Messaging' tab, and being female and snoopy as hell, I click on it to take a look at any text messages he's recieved. The first one's from me, no biggie, click on the next...

"Cum see me Tuesday? I Want You in my Life. I don't care about Bridget. No Games. Please?"

What the hell?!?

I flip to the next.. his ex wife about picking up the boys on Friday.

The next.. "Some people are hard to forget and you're one of them. I wish we could have worked. Truly."

AGH!

The next few are sort of disjointed, and then the final straw.

"Wayne, I.. uh huh... need you!"

So I sit there dazed for near an hour, staring at the wood panels on the walls, counting them. I think I kept getting to 8 and then would get confused about the last I counted.

Then I flip back through the phone, trying to figure out who they're from.

The final one is from his coworker, Lesli. I personally, have not been able to stand the woman from the very first time I met her. She walked inside our house the night of the keg party, casually appraised me, sat beside Wayne, and proceeded to act like her and I had known each other for some extensive amount of time, and now shared a plethora of inside jokes.

She proceeded to follow him around like a lost puppy dog all night, resulting in 2 of my friends mentioning her obvious crush.

Anyway, the slightly disjointed ones are from her, as well, so I call my techie genius friend, Corey, to get him to get me to figure out the rest.

He mentions matching the numbers on the upper screen, as they're all an ID number of some sort, and sure enough.. ALL of the numbers match. It's Lesli.

I fume, pace, grumble, kick things and cry for a bit.. all in about a 5 minute span, while Corey patiently waits for me to finish. He tells me to go for a walk, under no circumstances should I flip out at Wayne as soon as he walks in the door and to calm down.

I do calm.. I call my mom, have a brief vent session, pet my dog furiously, smoke 2 more cigarettes, and then call Alex to see if they'll be done soon, since, obviously, Wayne doesn't have his cell on him.

Then I wait.

Less than 1/2 an hour later Alex and Wayne walk in the door. I make small talk with Wayne about some minor issues, and then shut the door to the office, while I prepare for the big one.

The conversation goes much like this.

"So, the weekend I left to go home and Lesli and her boys were here all weekend.. where did she sleep?"

"On the couch"

"And where did you sleep?"

He points to the futon he's sitting on in the office.

"Right here"

"Ok, so what exactly possessed you to do what you did?"

Blank look.

"Wayne?"

"Did what?"

"What happened."

"Nothing happened."

"Care to explain the messages on your cell phone, then?"

At this point he shakes his head sadly.

"She's gone fucking psycho"

I go quiet, and then turn back to the computer screen, ignoring him.

Alex walks in.

Wayne turns to him.

"Has Lesli gone psycho?"

"Oh God", he says, "She's fucking nuts!"

They both look at me while I stare at my feet.

Let's zip through a really productive, yet really longwinded mediation session with Alex running the show and Wayne and I getting a chance to be candid with each other, without anyone walking out in anger to the next step.

So Lesli has just got out of a 13 year marriage with an abusive alcoholic. She needs to get laid in the worst way, and seems to cling to any of the guys on her crew that treat her with respect, act friendly or goof around with her in the way that they all do, but she's apparently not accustomed to.

So now I guess she's got her sights set on him, despite the fact that he's told her it's NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Now to come up with some way for me to make it crystal clear that he and I are together, and she needs to find someone who's not mine.

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